UH LRC WiFi upgraded by attaching routers onto librarians

Disclaimer “Swen: The Backward News” is a satirical news column. Any articles associated with Swen are of fiction and constitute as fake news. Any resemblance to the truth or actual facts or to reality is purely coincidental.

[Robert Wheatley | Lifestyle Editor]

After waiting for over four months, the University of Hertfordshire has finally upgraded its WiFi connections by enforcing the LRCs’ librarians wear the “Access Points” on their heads as they work rather than buy new ones.

The decision was made when the university realised it would be cheaper to simply attach the routers onto the librarians as they walked about the building, providing a better connection to the internet for students, sometimes.

Unfortunately, the enactment has proven a health and safety risk as students wishing to maintain the connection to the WiFi now have to follow the librarians around the LRC, forming mass circles around them and posing a risk of students falling off the staircases as they navigate to different floors.

Third-year English Literature student, Carla Matthews, said that while she was pleased with UH’s decision to upgrade the WiFi she was not too enthused about having to follow the librarians around while writing her dissertation.

“I think it’s great that they finally tried fixing the WiFi issues in the LRCs, but it’s been really hard to work on my dissertation while climbing to the third floor and back down again. I have to constantly research things for my bibliography, but sometimes I’ll get distracted and when I look up I realise the librarian is now on the first floor so I can’t connect to the internet.

“It makes me wonder if they should have just got more WiFi routers, or something.”

One of the de Hav LRC’s librarians was not particularly enthused about the new mandatory Access Point-wearing. Marco Rivera, 35, has worked at the LRC for over three years, but claims that wearing the APs was tiresome. He said:

“The APs are really awkward to wear: they didn’t even give us a cool hat with them attached on it, they literally just make us keep them on with elastic bands, and they keep snapping when I lean forward too quickly.

“What’s more, my personal space keeps being invaded by students attempting to get the best connection possible: one of them tried to climb onto my shoulders in order to get her work submitted before the deadline, so she had to be removed by the security team. I’m mostly upset about the hat thing, though.” So far, student and staff feedback about the WiFi improvement has been negative. A poll conducted by UH asking whether the WiFi improvements were working received 98 per cent “No” votes, one per cent “Yes” votes and another one per cent “I want my own AP strapon hat” votes. The university has responded, claiming it will try the personal AP strapon hats idea instead.

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