(Swen) Wifi Trouble In LRCs Sorted By Attaching Routers Onto Librarian’s Heads

Disclaimer “Swen: The Backward News” is a satirical news column. Any articles associated with Swen are of fiction and constitute as fake news. Any resemblance to the truth or actual facts or to reality is purely coincidental.

After constant complaints about the slowness of the Wifi in both LRCs, the University of Hertfordshire has finally upgraded its internet by enforcing the librarians to wear special routers attached to their head.

The decision was made when the university realised it would be cheaper to simply attach the routers onto the librarians as they walked about the building, providing a better connection to the internet for students in specific areas.

While spikes in connection success have been seen, the enactment has proven a health and safety risk with students now following the librarians around the LRC; forming mass circles around them and posing a risk of students falling off the staircases as they navigate to different floors.

Third-year English Literature student, Carla Matthews, said that while she was pleased with UH’s decision to upgrade the WiFi she was not too enthused about having to follow the librarians around while writing her dissertation.

[Credit: PxHere]

She said, “I think it’s great that they finally tried fixing the issues, but it’s been really hard to work on my dissertation while climbing to the third floor and back down again. I have to constantly research things for my bibliography, but sometimes I’ll get distracted and when I look up I realise the librarian is now on the first floor, so I lose my connection.

“It makes me wonder if they should have just gotten more Wifi routers or something.”

Swen spoke to one of the de Hav LRC’s librarians, who was not particularly enthused about the new mandatory router-wearing. Marco Rivera, 35, has worked at the LRC for over three years but claims that wearing the internet device is tiresome.

He said: “The hats are really awkward to wear. They didn’t even give us a cool hat; we literally just tie a router onto our head with elastic bands. They keep snapping when I lean forward too quickly.

“What’s more, my personal space keeps being invaded by students attempting to get the best connection possible: one of them tried to climb onto my shoulders in order to get her work submitted before the deadline, so she had to be removed by the security team.”

So far, student and staff feedback about the Wifi improvement has been negative. A poll conducted by UH asking whether the Wifi improvements were working received 98% “No” votes, 1% “Yes” votes, and another 1% “I want my own router strapon hat” votes. The university has responded, claiming it will try the personal router strapon hats idea instead.


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