[Words & Pictures | Shelby Loasby]
Want to spice up your love life with some new, crazy positions? Willing to use every muscle in your body and stretch like never before? Then this is the list for you.
Warning! Some of the following positions may result in cramps, muscle damage and an embarrassing story to tell on the way to A&E. We would say don’t try this at home, but where’s the fun in that?
For the sake of explaining the positions we will refer to our lovely cartoon people as Blue and Yellow.
Pair of Tongs
Pair of Tongs The name is probably as exciting as the position, and just as strange. Blue steps over Yellow’s leg, holding the other leg up. Meanwhile Yellow is left hanging in the air, being held up by the strength of their arm and holding on for dear life. It’s not comfortable for Blue and Yellow so nothing particularly excites them.
The Gateway Arch
The Gateway Arch This looks, sounds and probably feels very weird. Blue bends over touching their toes. Yellow does the same, and the two align themselves accordingly to ensure maximum pleasure. Blue then thrusts, however, both Blue and Yellow find it hard to support themselves and fall over.
The Waterfall Whilst this drawing is awful, the position isn’t that bad. Blue lies back with their head and shoulders on the floor, and body hanging off the edge of the bed. Yellow straddles Blue. The blood rushes to both of Blue’s heads making it a mind-blowing experience.
Reverse Wheelbarrow As a kid you would have played wheelbarrow races. This is similar, but this time the ‘barrow’ is the other way round – and for consenting adults only. Blue stands and holds Yellow’s legs, whilst Yellow bends back and hoists themselves up with their arms. Yellow gets light-heated, passes out and they don’t try it again.
The Butter Churner
The Butter Churner Yep, it literally refers to the ancient method of churning cream into butter. Sounds weird and looks weird but is a killer in the bedroom. Yellow lies on their back and curls up into a ball. Blue then sits on top and thrusts away. Whilst it can cause back and neck ache, Yellow will still experience extreme pleasure.
So there you have it, five weird sex positions that could do wonders in the bedroom, or scare your partner off forever. These positions are for couples engaging in safe consensual sex, and communication is certainly a must. We’ve showed you the benefits and the failures, so the rest is at your own risk!