[Laura Noakes | Deputy Editor]
Oh dissertation. In September you sounded like a really good module to take. 10,000 words isn’t that much, right? WRONG. If you are, like me, currently chained to your laptop, drinking far too much caffeine and desperately trying to get your word count up, you’ll know how I feel.
There is that desperate moment when you realise you have a month until you have to hand in a dissertation when you have a frantic panic that A) you’re going to fail and B) you’re not ever going to be able to write 10,000 words. For a day or two, you are productive – researching and and writing up hundreds of words. And then procrastination sets in.
Procrastination is my nemesis. I am AWFUL at it. I will while away days and weeks doing absolutely nothing (whilst simultaneously panicking that I am doing absolutely nothing) until I get so close to the due date that I HAVE to work. Then I rush, and stress, until I submit it, probably with a few minutes to go.
So here are the things I’d rather do than finish my dissertation:
1. Clean my ENTIRE house.
2. Binge-watch a series on Netflix.
3. Suddenly start a time-consuming new hobby, like crocheting. (Seriously, I did this.)
Actual proof I taught myself how to crochet!
4. Spend a day stalking people I hate on Facebook.
5. Get into the weird bit of YouTube again (You know the drill – you start with funny cat videos and soon you’re watching some guy play basketball with his tongue).
6. Read any book that DOESN’t help with my dissertation.
7. Play Sims 4 for 3 days straight.
8. Have a very deep conversation with my little sister on the importance of voting in the upcoming general election.
9. Watch every single Tim Burton movie. Again.
11. Apply for jobs I’m not going to get if I don’t finish this damn dissertation!
12. Plan an elaborate easter egg hunt that involves a bunny costume and fifty chocolate eggs.
13. One word. Tumblr. It’s procrastination central.
14. Dye my hair a crazy colour. Immediately regret it, and dye back to the usual colour the next day.
15. Impulsively get my cartilage pierced.
16. Help somebody else with their dissertation research.
17. Eat an entire packet of chocolate biscuits.
18. Help my sister with her GCSE textiles homework, even though I cannot sow for the life of me. Immediately decide to quit my degree and become the next Coco Chanel.
19. Watch the news.
20. Write this article.
So there you have it, those are the things I am currently doing in order not to write my dissertation. If you are currently writing yours, I’m so so sorry from the bottom of my heart. And good luck – I’m definitely going to need it! I suppose I better get on with mine now, but first I think I’ll watch Googlebox…just to get me prepared.