10 of the world’s weirdest sex toys

[Jennie Couling | Contributing Writer]

Technology – one of the most powerful game changers of the last century. Thanks to hard working engineers and scientists we now have the means to travel to the moon, see things that are unimaginably small and stay in touch with people thousands of miles away. So what do we do with all this invaluable research and knowledge? Use it to make crazy sex toys, of course! So here’s a list of technology’s weirdest inventions.

magic hand _ lovehoney.co.uk

LoveHoney.co.uk


1. The Magic Hand Some sex toys are just utterly terrifying and this is one of them. But there’s something for everyone on the internet and apparently there’s a whole range modelled on different porn stars’ hands. If you can ignore the fact it looks like Thing that is.

Wake up vibrator _ wakeupvibe.com

Wakeupvibe.com


2. Wake-up Vibe Alarm Vibrator – Cold winter mornings making waking up difficult? Does your phone alarm not get you up in the morning? Do you find yourself constantly hitting the snooze button? Struggle no more! This vibrator alarm will have you waking up on the right side of the bed, ready for lectures. Or a bit late…

solar powered bullet _ amazon.com

Amazon.com


3. Solar Powered Bullet – Described on the website as “the perfect accessory for the socially conscious 21st century woman”, this is “the world’s first totally renewable sun-powered stimulator”. Get to your happy place without having to worry about dying polar bears – great!

Mermaid _ elasticaengineering.com

ElasticEngineering.com


4. Mermaid inflatable bondage tail – Ah yes, the best extracurricular bedroom equipment – the stuff that allows zero access to your fun parts. Live out your wildest fantasies of having no genetalia. Kinky.

putin butt plug _ shapeways.com

Shapeways.com


5. Putin Butt Plug – Because any sex toy should be a political statement. Let him fulfil his need to invade or tell him to shove his homophobic policies where the sun doesn’t shine.


dog _ copyright free

6. Dog dildo – This poses so many questions no one wants the answer to. Who decided turning to the animal kingdom for fulfilment was ok? Why a dog? Who’s dog? Who modelled it? And it doesn’t stop at your beloved pet – there’s a whole website dedicated to all types of animal dildo: otter, seal, dolphin, horse, reptile and whale. Lovely.

vajankle _ sinthetics.biz

Sinthetics.biz


7. Vajankle – Now, we know that most sex toys are basically dismembered body parts, so what makes this one particularly creepy? Oh yeah, it’s the fact it’s a foot. And a vagina. Together. Because that’s totally normal and sexy.